Fucksaakes

I am furious at my mother right now..... she wants to send me to live with my dad in nyc but she remembers well what happened last time she did!! She was mad at me because I got in trouble doing drugs then stealing with my friends so she sent me away to new york. When I arrived there and spent one day with my dad, he was missing the next morning and i was left all alone in the apartment, when they found him he was in Vegas! Im surprised he didnt get anybody pregnant or lost all his money gambling there, knowing him...
and this time its only because of one arguement and she wants to send me away. I wish she was not such a bitch telling everybody im anorexic because i told her i dont want to eat because im really not hungry!! I am fine with my energy drinks and water. She tries to force me to eat all the time so we had a fight about it and now she wants to send me away, which is pathetic. Like doing that would make me eat. She's always going to be this unreasonable bitch. Well atleast maybe in nyc I will have more freedom to do what i want.
Ugh but thats not the problem.. I DON'T WANT TO LEAVE ORANGE COUNTY!!! this was where i was born, grew up, and a part of what i am. I love it here: my friends, the girls, the beach, the parties, my life, everything about this place still makes me feel at home and puts me at awe. I can't believe her!
Annyywaaayy,

 Im really sorry about the outburst!!!!!!!!!
This just hasnt been the best day so far.. I haven't yet cleared up things with Chris yet, but im going to right away. like right after i post this. You guys are all so supportive! i never feel alone anymore.

For Ryssa lol:

Progress:
I am now 120.1 lbs. Was 126 yesterday. Atleast theres something to be fucking happy about. :)
 I got lots of compliments at the party yesterday night. well it was more like "your skinny, you have to eat more." but it made me feel good.
And I hate how everyone just suspects that i dont eat when they think im skinny, not like its untrue, but dont you see how everyone just thinks someone is anorexic just because they are thin?

Well i gtg now! (and call Chris)
Pce, Nate

Thanks Everyone

Okay so today was extremely confusing. Chris, one of my bestfriends told me he was actually bi and had a crush on me. I took it as a joke at first because we sometimes play around like that, calling eachother hot and stuff. Then I noticed he was dead serious and I was creeped out.. i mean I dont have anything against people who arent straight but... It made things awkward as fuck and kind of freaky. I thought I was crashing at his place and we were just gonna hang and play black ops but I guess not... I told him I had some buisness at home and I left. :S I feel bad for that. I know hes not the kind of guy who would do anything to me but its just so hard looking at him in a different way because weve been friends for so long... fuck, I never knew. and i have no idea what to do.

When the afternoon came, I felt like passing out if I didnt eat, so I had a bagel and some grapes before going to work. Now Im feeling really tired but im probably going to do some pushups and crunches anyway.

I want to say I feel very welcomed here :) its true that i am among friends and wonderful kind people here n thank you so much for the awesome comments on my last post. To answer Amy's question,
I've actually always felt this way towards food.. it disgusted me and gradually fatness did too and i do
nt ever wanna become like that. I also love feeling empty. I want to be perfect so BADLYY, so people with perfect bodies triggered it too, I guess. :)
And thanks for the advice, i never knew about the high cals in Monster, I also like rockstar sugar free. :) i love energy drinks too.

Im also addicted to caffiene and coffee. I don't think thats a good thing. Well its probably much better than my old addiction, i used to do drugs all the time and smoke weed. but later on that part of me changed and i rather be 100% pure, no food, and no drugs either. How about u guys? whats your addiction?
Are EDs considered to be an addiction, to feel hungry?

I hope all of you are doing alright, ill be sure to checkout your blogs.

pce, Nate

Hey

 Today is the 3rd day of my liquid fast, going well. I ate nothing and drank water, monster, and water. Water is good.
Well I don't like eating, its nasty and i dont want to be fat. (I am not fat, but I have a fear!) And normally people wouldn't know how i feel. I'm small for a guy, but I want to disappear...
and it makes it so much harder for me because i am a dude. My best friends will never understand and its so hard keeping this secret from them. To them I am sometimes a fag and its because i am sensitive on the inside, and a little different. I'm not anything femine though. They are just fatties.

Feel free to leave any suggestions or comments.. this is my first blog post so go easy on me lol...
I love reading your guys pro ana blogs and Im a decent enough writer so i decided to start my own.
yea get to know me! I'm nice.

Rawr its Natesaurus :)

Pce, Nate