Okay so today was extremely confusing. Chris, one of my bestfriends told me he was actually bi and had a crush on me. I took it as a joke at first because we sometimes play around like that, calling eachother hot and stuff. Then I noticed he was dead serious and I was creeped out.. i mean I dont have anything against people who arent straight but... It made things awkward as fuck and kind of freaky. I thought I was crashing at his place and we were just gonna hang and play black ops but I guess not... I told him I had some buisness at home and I left. :S I feel bad for that. I know hes not the kind of guy who would do anything to me but its just so hard looking at him in a different way because weve been friends for so long... fuck, I never knew. and i have no idea what to do.
When the afternoon came, I felt like passing out if I didnt eat, so I had a bagel and some grapes before going to work. Now Im feeling really tired but im probably going to do some pushups and crunches anyway.
I want to say I feel very welcomed here :) its true that i am among friends and wonderful kind people here n thank you so much for the awesome comments on my last post. To answer Amy's question,
I've actually always felt this way towards food.. it disgusted me and gradually fatness did too and i do
nt ever wanna become like that. I also love feeling empty. I want to be perfect so BADLYY, so people with perfect bodies triggered it too, I guess. :)
And thanks for the advice, i never knew about the high cals in Monster, I also like rockstar sugar free. :) i love energy drinks too.
Im also addicted to caffiene and coffee. I don't think thats a good thing. Well its probably much better than my old addiction, i used to do drugs all the time and smoke weed. but later on that part of me changed and i rather be 100% pure, no food, and no drugs either. How about u guys? whats your addiction?
Are EDs considered to be an addiction, to feel hungry?
I hope all of you are doing alright, ill be sure to checkout your blogs.